7 Weddings in 5 Months means Crisis

The Chinese say that it is the Year of the Tiger, Spanish newspapers claim it is the year of the crisis, 2010 for me is the Year of the Weddings. My husband and I have officially been invited to 7 weddings over a span of the next 5 months; we have R.S.V.P.ed “no” to 2 of them and will do our best to make the other 5.

While I was eavesdropping on the elevator ride up to my office, I overheard two women talking about the number of weddings they had in the next year and I just had to say:

“Mi marido y yo hemos sido invitados a 7 bodas en los próximos 5 meses.”

“Buah, es una multa!,” she replied almost in shock. She said that my situation was like receiving a ticket or a fine. I probably couldn’t have said it better.

5 out of the 7 weddings we have been invited to are in Spain and 2 are in the United States. Weddings in Spain are quite the affair, perhaps which is why I opted for the “are you sure you aren’t pregnant?” type of wedding, in Spain, this type of wedding is known as “se casan de penalty”, meaning they are getting married because the bride is pregnant. I got an estimate for the type of wedding I wanted in Spain from Toda Boda, a Spanish wedding planner agency and the estimate was about the same cost as my student loans which in Spain, many couples take out loans to pay for their weddings. Ridiculous.

I used to LOVE weddings, I still do but in a different way.  When I was a bit younger and I dreamt of the day that I would get married and hoped that it would be an event right out of a fairy tale. But as time has gone on, each time Ismael and I get an invitation; I chuckle and actually get a bit claustrophobic which you will understand the reason why just shortly.

I think that the process of the wedding is pretty similar in Spain as it is in the States – it all starts with the engagement: you hear first about the engagement through word of mouth, or in these days, the news arrives via some form of cyber space.

Traditionally, the engaged couple arranges a “cena de pedido”, an engagement dinner, where both sets of parents are invited to have a dinner. This can be quite “violenta” as it is typically the first time the parents meet. Tradition has it that the groom’s parents give the “novia” a ring while the bride’s parents give the “novio” a watch. The diamond ring is a new concept that has been adopted all over Europe which I think is due to the American influence and I must admit that I don’t always like the selected engagement rings and have found that they are much lovelier in the States where you can even get them custom made.

Once word has been spread around, you soon learn of the date via email, sms, phone call or whatever. One of my American friends who is getting married on September 11th sent a paperless post save the date and I thought that it was adorable and very formal.

Soon the invitation arrives, which is usually handed out personally by the bride and groom in a bar or over tapas and if you couldn’t make it out on that particular day, it is sent via post.

The first wedding I went to in Spain was our friends who got married in Southern Spain. They got married in Marbella in 2003. I remember when their invitation arrived and it had little numbers on it.

“Isma, ¿Qué es esto?” I ask Ismael what the numbers meant.

“Es el número de la cuenta.” He tells me it is the account number.

“¿Qué cuenta?”, not knowing what the account number was.

“La cuenta bancaria”, Ismael responds in a duh tone as if I should know.

The typical, traditional Spanish wedding invitation is nothing that special in my eyes but I shouldn’t really criticize them as I sent all 27 guests to our wedding an evite. The traditional sort is a rather large piece of cardboard in a selected color; I received one in pea green once, with calligraphy. In the top corners are the names of the parents and in the middle the names of the bride and groom with all of the other pertinent wedding information.

Then just in the corner is the RSVP and just below that is the bank account number, printed directly on the invite. If the account number doesn’t appear directly on the invite, the happy couple usually encloses a little piece of paper with the 20 magic numbers on it so that you can make a transfer from your account to theirs. If the invite doesn’t come with the little paper, you feel obliged to email and ask what it is. Hell with registering for gifts, right?

The going wedding rate these days is 150€ a head, that is about $190.19. I can’t remember the last time Ismael and I ever spent 300€ on a dinner out, probably because we never have. I find it a bit outrageous and I, admittedly, never transfer that amount of money. As a tradition, you are supposed to pay for the cost of the dish which usually runs around 40-60 bucks.

A co-worker commented on the transfers by saying that “ellos se van de luna de miel y volvemos a Madrid con una resaca de cojones y sin un duro”, claiming that the couple goes on their honeymoon while we go back to Madrid with a huge hangover and empty pockets.

After you figure out which hotel to stay in and how you are going to get there, soon before you know it, The BIG Day finally arrives.

In Spain, there is no rehearsal dinner the night before a wedding which I have found that I sometimes like the rehearsal dinner more than the wedding itself. Instead of a rehearsal dinner, there is usually a more informal dinner or tapas followed by “copas”. The “copas” can be un peligro total as you usually end up having the worst hangover the next day and have to celebrate the big day with the happy couple.

Guests at Spanish weddings, I am referring to the women, tend to dress quite fancily, although, in my opinion, some can get way over dressed and appear almost gaudy. Most women wear some type of dress or suit, get their hair done which usually includes a tocado, a personal fav, and a fan. Men usually wear the same suit they wear to work.. A bride’s dress is according to her own taste but they can be quite costly. Some of the major brands for gowns are Pronovia, Sarda, Frikki, Rosa Clara or to have one made from scratch. There are no bridesmaids and I have been asked at every Spanish wedding if I have been a bridesmaid in the States and if I had to wear the same dress as the others and if it was as ugly as some seen in the US films.

I remember one year Ismael and I had so many weddings in all different parts of the world that I got away with wearing the same red, long BCBG dress to almost all of them, the almost is because the day arrived when my husband actually told me I had to buy a different dress because he was sick of looking at the red one and from the photos, all of the weddings seemed the same!

In Spain, being the couples’ testigo (witness) is a very important role and everybody wants to be it which I find funny because very seldom do the youngsters stay at the church for the ceremony, most head to the nearest bar to have a beer or wine while the couple is tying the knot.

After the ceremony has finished, there is a cocktail hour, followed by lots of food and more wine, followed by a dance. A typical Spanish wedding can finish well into the next day.

While you are eating your dinner, guest constantly stand up and shout,

“Vivan los novios” or “que se besen, que se besen”…

and at that point everybody raises their glasses, watches the newly weds kiss, and gives a toast, chin chin.

The couple usually gives out little party favor to the guests which are passed out as the desert is being served, mind you, there is no cutting of the cake, by the woman witness and a couple of dear friends of the bride. The typical present is cigarettes and cigars but at the most recent weddings, we have received alpargatas, fans, pins, visnagas, etc. Ismael and I gave out a CD with our favorite tunes on it.

The Spanish newspapers can’t seem to write enough about the crisis, does a crisis cause more people to tie the knot? Since we have been invited to 7 weddings in 5 months in 2 different continents, I am led to believe that crisis definitely bring people together whether it be through marriage or something else. Whatever the occasion, I am always honored to take part and take loads of pictures.